Jokes To Silence A Crowd At a Tech Conference – a.k.a The Rob Walling Post

If you attended MicroConf 2013 you might remember one thing that was special about MicroConf: After each break, instead of asking the audience to return to their seats and be silent, Rob Walling started to tell geeky jokes.

That actually worked pretty well. But with MicroConf Europe coming up in just over a month, Rob probably needs a few new jokes to silence the crowd. So, Rob, here's a list of jokes for you:

The Geeky Ones

• So this bar walks into an UML activity diagram — and 17 things all start happening at once. (Kudos to Daniel Markham for sharing this on Twitter)
• "What do you call a Local Area Network in Australia?" – "LAN down under"
• So this SQL query walks into a bar. He asks "Mind if I join these two tables?" (Daniel Markham again, Ladies & Gentlemen!)
• So this noSQL query walks into a bar and asks for a table. The bartender says "I'm sorry, we only serve documents here" (And Daniel goes for the hattrick)
• Dr. Heisenberg is speeding down a road and gets pulled over by a cop. 
  Cop: "Do you know how fast you were going?" 
  Heisenberg: "No. But I know exactly where I am!" 
• If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0 (Corollary: "If at first you don't succeed, call it pivot")
• 99 little bugs in the code
  99 little bugs in the code
  Take one down, patch it around
  117 little bugs in the code
• "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." – "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
• A byte walks into a bar. Bartender: "Hi. You don't look good. Anything wrong?" – "I don't know. I just feel a bit off"
• *Knock Knock*
  "Who's there?"
  *long pause*
  "Java"
• *Knock Knock*
  "Who's there?"
  "C"
• *Knock Knock*
  "Assembler"
  "Who's there?"
• "Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
  Inheritance
• 8 Bytes walk into a bar. 
  Bartender: "Hey guys. What can I get you?"
  "Makes us a Double"

The Business Ones

• A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
• “So, what made you decide to go into business for yourself?”
  “It was something my last boss said.”
  “Really, what was that?”
  “You’re fired.”
• A SEO consultant walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer,….

-Christoph